Things change, if they didn't, it wouldn't be life.
I've always had a plan, and since graduating High School none of my plans have come to be. I've come to the realization that though plans can give a sense of purpose, if they're not intertwined with God's will, they're pointless. My purpose, is to be in God's will. I hate how easy it is to say that but how hard I make it to follow through.
I went through High School knowing that on June 9th, or 10th, (or whatever day it was), 2009 I would be graduating and preparing for a life at the University of Florida. The day came, I received my diploma, spent my summer spending time with friends, and Come August 20th, 2009, I made my way to Gville. School was hard, more than I had imagined and pursuing a degree in Accounting was unbearable. I was doing too much on my own....aka: everything, and I fell flat on my face. And like Mack Truck, it hit me...DUH get on your knees! God is way bigger than school! So I did, and after much prayer, tears, and good support from loved ones, I made the first step in intertwining my plans with God's will and changed my major from Accounting to Elementary Education.
Washed over with an abundance of Peace, I began the Spring semester with a smile on my face and firm grip on my Savior's hand. "We can do this, Jesus, we can do this..." Spring Semester was smooth....I was seeking my Jesus, and things got easier. School wasn't as stressful, I wasn't as homesick, in fact I only went home 3 times the entire semester, I pulled up my GPA, got involved in a Small Group at a local church.....things were looking up. The semester ended and I came home.....my world was turned upside down.
When your security is shaken you can do one of two things.....grab hold of the awesome God who loves you most, or allow Satan to fuel your despair. I chose Jesus and forgave what needed to be forgiven and learned the fullness of Jesus' love....no sin is worse than another, it's all a mark against the only Perfect one, and if he forgave me, I must forgive as well. For those of you who know of what I am speaking, you can understand why I will not go into detail on an internet blog, it's not meant for other people, but it was key in a lot of growing up that I had to do.
Hard decisions had to be made.....the more I prayed the more God showed me that Gville was not where I was meant to be. I came to realize that I wanted UF so bad, I never considered what God's plans were.....so he allowed me to go and figure it out myself. I'll never wonder "What if" because I was there....and then was shown it wasn't what I was meant for. I chose to be obedient. Hardest decision I've ever made, and to this day I still miss Gville, UF, and the people there. BUT no matter how much missing I do, I know without any doubt that I made the right decision because I am walking in God's will.
I've said all that to say that now I'm home and discovering that beauty really does come out of ashes. With a Savior who fills all voids, life goes on. Friends are lost and gained, decisions are hard but made, people are disappointing yet beautiful, and change is not a bad thing. I'm ready to live in the now, not allowing past hurt to postpone good things from happening.
God is SO big and has given me an endless supply of paint.
I'm going to throw it all over the canvas.
This blog is about the paint.
