I've had the most amazing weekend. One that has literally changed my life forever.
I've been a Christian for a LONG time. I've claimed Christ as my Savior since I was 4, and have since done my best to live in a way that represents him. But until this weekend...most of that time between being 4 and now at 20, was out of habit, or because I knew it was the right thing. It's different now.
There's no doubt in my mind that I loved Jesus, and I won't discredit the last 16 years of my Christian walk. But after this weekend, I am forever changed. Here's what happened...
I went on a trip with my church, up to Panama City, we call it "Beach Retreat". Its just 4 days of worship, fellowship, food, and fun. But along with all the fun, comes an encounter with God like no other I've ever experienced. There's something about setting aside a weekend just to worship, we come prepared to surrender. It's preparation that we shouldn't just have for BR, but for every day life.
Friday night was a great service. God reminded me of how good he was, and how he can do the things he says he can do. We have a tendency to only see the pain when going through tragedy, but if we stop and look back, it's amazing to me to see the good that was interwoven in that tragedy. How God was working even when I thought he wasn't. Friday night was good night.
Which is why Satan stepped in.
I'm 20, I moved back home, I'm still in school, I don't have a boyfriend, I'm not an 'adult'...Other people my age are so much further than I am. Why am I not where they are? Why am I not engaged yet? Why am I so behind, God?
Saturday morning service was great, but Satan still had a hold. I was allowing in his lies again. I took a nap that afternoon to get away from everyone, and had a sweet talk with a sweet Girl who came and like a good friend reminded me that I'm not the only one. That Satan doesn't single anyone out, and that I wasn't alone.
Saturday evening came, and amazing things happened. First off the worship was fantastic, never in my life have I worshiped my Savior with such awe and surrender. I felt him. Even when I felt like healing would never come, he was there and he was healing. The message brought was something that I had been struggling with for a while. God's plan. It sounds inappropriate to say that I struggle with God's plan, but I do everyday. Or I did, still do, but differently now. Life isn't a bed of roses. As a follower of Christ, I know this. BUT as a follower of Christ, I also know that he has a plan. A plan that is far greater than my human mind could ever fathom. Along with life, the plan isn't always a bed of roses. It's because our focus should be on the eternal, not the temporary.
You see I've spent the last year and a half back home, being obedient to what God asked, but questioning him every step of the way. What right do I have to question my Creator? None. Long story short, we're not just to accept God's plan, but love it! Jesus is everything, truly everything. And no matter our hearts desires, or our "I think I need"s, they're insignificant and unimportant.
During the invitation, I was praying. I had my face in my hands and with a broken heart was handing my questions to my Jesus. I was done questioning, I am done questioning. I'm just here. I just want to 'be' in Jesus. Even if that's all I ever do. As I was praying, I began to feel God's peace. As I continued praying, as physical as physical feels, Jesus gave me a hug. Jesus gave me a hug. I'm so unworthy but still he loves me. He wrapped his mighty arms around me and spoke so clearly to my heart, "Taylor, I love you. I love you more than you'll ever know." And just like that I was lost. Lost in Jesus. My eyes were closed, and all I saw was my Silhouette, engulfed in purple. Purple represents royalty, in this case Christ's royalty. I was wrapped in Jesus, and he was filling, completing, and satisfying every bit of me.
Like I stated before, I've been a Christian a LONG time. And throughout that time, being obedient, was what I did because of a promise for the desires of my heart. Being obedient wasn't what I did because it's all I have to give to a God who gave it all.
I now don't just love Jesus because he saved me, but because he completely satisfies every bit of me. I love him! So much! I talked in an earlier post, about being content where God had me but not as he had me. I was still seeking more more more, and not more of Jesus but more of something else that was supposed to fulfill me. Many times I saw that fulfillment coming in a husband, someone to physically hold me. But Jesus did that this weekend, and is still doing that. He's everything.
With a completely new mindset I finally see who Christ is. I finally see his importance. I finally see him as not just the number one priority, but as THE priority. This is me, stepping up. I'm open to whatever God has entailed for me, and I'm going to do my best not to question him. He is absolutely fantastic, I couldn't ask for a better anything. He's it.
There's no end to his love.
He's with us.
Nothing in this world that could take him away.
He's with us.
