Christ is risen.
Christ will come again.
THAT is my focus. THAT is what I put my faith in.
Jesus Christ, my sanity. He's my safe place and my constant. I've spent most of my day emotional and overwhelmed by things of this world. School, work, coaching, things that will come and go. Things that I took on knowing they would be more than I could handle. But when I made the commitment I also was seeking Jesus, knowing that he would pull me through. He would be my sanity. But somehow in the last few weeks I lost sight of his face. I lost sight of the bigger picture. And I fell. Flat on my face. I'm really good at that, if you haven't already noticed. But I guess we all are. I struggle daily, wanting to please my creator but always feeling like I only fail. But then, even in the deepest most self pitying state, he picks me up. He reminds me that He is my sanity and my clarity. That all things other than him are fleeting. That my focus should be Kingdom oriented.
It blows my mind how much I want to know it all, but in all reality if my focus is on Christ, I will know what I need to know when I need to know it. There isn't any wondering or unknown because the unknown is already known by the one who planned it all. It's like when you're reading a book that's really good and you just want to get to the end to see what happens and how it all ends up. But you can't skip the middle or the end won't be as significant or as meaningful. For the longest time all I've wanted to do is skip to the end. I find myself rushing things that don't need to be rushed, and seeking things that aren't meant for right now. I don't want to skip the middle, I want to feel the value of the end.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Jesus,
Thank you for picking me up in my filthiest state. Thank you for being consistent even when I falter. Thank you for the gift of confidence that I can claim in you. Thank you for allowing me to pick up where I left off with you, like no time has passed at all. Thank you for reminding me that even when I am my furthest from you, you're still close. Father remind me to keep trekking through the middle so that I can value the end.
I love you.
Amen.
