Almost 4 years later...

Today I found a copy of the speech I gave at my high school graduation...I had never watched it, after the fact. To be honest I couldn't even remember what I talked about....Hearing my words was weird, and as I listened I felt like I was watching a different person. So much time has passed. I moved to Gainesville for a year, moved back home, and now I'm finishing up my last year of college...I'm so different from the person I was on that stage three and a half years ago. I had no idea what the big guy upstairs  had in mind, or where I would be sitting at this point in my life. But listening to it made me smile, and some of the words really hit home...

"Now comes the next step

Where we enter that long awkward stage of life between high school and retirement.

A time where so many decisions will have to be made, our heads will spin out of pure confusion.

These decisions will direct our life's path, and ultimately determine our future.

Whether you decide to attend college, join the armed forces, or enter the work force, every decision you make from here on out will be YOURS.

Integrity, is a firm adherence to a code or standard of values.

It is a word not understood by many for it's respect has been lost over the years.

In a world where acceptance is desired more than individualism we stand the risk of losing ourselves and our values.

Remember that you have a choice.

It's a freedom this country offers, one that cannot be taken away.

Your life is your choice.

Do with it something that will not only better yourself, but better your community and the world you live in."

Choices. My life. My choice. 

My choices haven't always been the greatest or the best these last few years....but regardless, my Savior has used them for good. Moving to Gainesville wasn't the best choice, but I sure learned a lot. Changing my major to Education was a needed choice, and more and more I know it's what I'm meant to do. Coming home was a hard choice, but it was the best one. Coaching volleyball was a GREAT choice, and I've loved every minute of it. So many choices, so many consequences, but always one Savior with one plan to use me to further his kingdom.

Life is a funny thing. It never happens the way you think it will, or the way you planned it. 

And I'm glad it doesn't :)

Thinking that it's been almost 4 years since I walked that stage and said those words, blows my mind, and though tough at times, I wouldn't change anything that's happened since then.

As hard as it was to learn that I can't make plans, because I'm not the big guy upstairs....I'm glad that I finally get it. I now look forward to the surprises he has for me and the fun it's going to be to enjoy them!

God is good. All the time, no matter our choices, therefore, life is good as well. :)

I am...

Today in class we each wrote an "I am..." poem, thought I'd share mine :]

I am forever changing.

I think too much.

I believe that my ways aren't always the best ways.

I want to be purposeful.

I am anxious.

I need constant guidance.

I feel nervous yet excited for the future.

I hope for simple pleasures.

I am ready for the next step to wherever.

I dream of being a woman like my mother, a powerful woman of God.

I love 'my' people, so much.

I am growing.

New semester, New anxieties, New perspective.

Today I successfully completed my first week of this semester. Only 15 more to go.....eek! Just saying that brings on the worry of lesson planning, creative writing, and boring book reading....Wonderful. 

When I got home this evening, after eating supper, my brother was asking if I had a book-bag that he could use this year. I honestly feel like he asks me this every year...I don't think he's used his "own" book-bag since elementary school. It took me a minute to rack my brain of what bags I did have, and for a moment thought that his only options would be Vera Bradley or Fossil. Of which neither would have been a problem, if my brother were my sister. :) I then recalled the book-bag I used when I lived in Gainesville. Hunter found it in my closet and brought it to me to clean out. In it I found two things kleenex and my lost Moleskin journal. The Kleenex were clean, and the Moleskin incomplete, as are most of my journals. I may or may not have trouble finishing one journal before starting another...lol. There are at least 4 stacked on my nightstand now...

Anyway, I began paging through the journal and found that my last entry was made almost 2 years ago in September of 2010...mind you the journal was started in January of 2009. . Looking back at prayers and verses that spoke to me at different points in my life, I got uber emotional - duh - I'm a girl. So many entries were just cries out to God, cries for help, guidance, peace, direction, help, guidance, peace, direction, help, guidance, peace, direction... you get the picture. Over and over I asked God to make right decisions apparent, to ease my heavy heart, and to clear my restless mind. As I read, I could feel that same desperation that I was writing out of, and was instantly thankful. When I wrote those entries, when I prayed those prayers, I didn't see the light at the end of the tunnel...I only saw the clutter and the mess I had to get through. But the thing is, I did. And I'm sitting here two years later so different than the person I was when I cried those cries and prayed those prayers. I got through it, and am still mudding through it. But even more so now then I felt then, I know that I will get through. And that two years from now I'll find some unfinished journal and be even more thankful for the God who does it all. And not that everything to "get through" is such a terrible thing, but that regardless of what it is, I am redeemed by the God who hold's my hand through it all. But he doesn't just hold my hand, he whispers direction and sings my praises. My God is so good.

I've learned that looking too far ahead can keep you from seeing what God wants you to learn in the present. All he asks is that we seek him first, serve him first, love him first, and the rest will happen as it should. It feels so good to be DONE trying to plan it all. Things now are not as I would have pictured them to be but I love what they are now, and I'm excited for what they are going to be. 

Yay for new perspectives :)

Also, driving home from class this eve, I listened to this song over and over...and maybe I cried a little....or a lot. Again, I'm a girl, but besides that, Jesus loves me way too much and sometimes I can't help but cry like the baby I am about it!

The Father Gave his only Son just to save us... 

The Earth was shaking in the dark

All creation felt the Father's broken heart

Tears were filling heaven's eyes, the day that true love died

Blood and water hit the ground

Walls we couldn't move came crashing down

We were free and made alive!

The day that true love died 

Call on that name!

35 Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death?36 (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.”t)

37 No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.38 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,t neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.

39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:35-39




"Overwhelming Victory is ours through Christ, who loved us."


We aren't just victorious in Jesus name, we're overwhelmingly victorious! Instead of climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro, we run to the top, do a little jig, and then do it again! How awesome is that?! Sometimes I forget the power that backs up the name, Jesus. I forget to call on the God/Man that did/does it all.

I encourage you to call on that powerful name whenever Satan tries to tell you he's greater. Call on that name when you doubt the power of Christ's love.
Call on that name when you don't have anything else to say.
Call on that name and claim that victory!

Call on that name and thank Him for what He did on the cross, what he continues to do in your life, and for what awaits you in Heaven.

Don't forget where your victory is found.
Don't forget where your name is written.
Don't forget Who's you are!

"Neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow" can keep us from God's love.

His plans are good, and in a world that is filled with sin and uncertainty, its easy to carry anxiety and so much worry. It can make its way and entangle every thought and action. Don't let that happen, call on that name!

Call on Jesus!

HE loves you.

Accept him, take him in, seek him out, and call on that name!

He's got you, let him have you. 

Plastic Easter Egg. Simple Message. Good God.

I am loved by the most awesome God. So much so that he takes the time to remind me even in the most seemingly insignificant ways, that he's got me, and that I am "Never Alone."

I got this plastic egg right before Easter. Mom had a "Blessings" party, which is basically a home decor company with products that promote Christian values. The sweet Consultant, who happens to be a close friend of My Mom's, had brought these eggs, but only 12. She brought them to share with Mom's party goers, and had stuffed them with mini messages from Jesus. She had prayed over each of them knowing and proclaiming that they would speak to the hearts of the ones who received them. When she found out that there would be almost 20 people there she was disappointed that she didn't have more. I left and headed to volleyball without giving the eggs or Mom's party another thought. When I came back and the party was winding down, I was helping Mom and her friend clean up, when she found an egg. Just one left in the basket that apparently didn't get handed out. She gave it to me, and told me to open it. Obviously I did, and the white paper inside simply said "Never Alone". Just like she had prayed, those words spoke tenderly to my heart.

You see, the last few weeks haven't been easy ones. I've been feeling like I'm peddling a bicycle that doesn't have any wheels. I'm going and going but not getting anywhere. There's a whole lot of reasons why I feel this way, but none of them really matter. The bottom line is that my satisfaction, completion, companionship, acceptance, success, and every other good thing, is found solely in my Savior. No matter how I may feel, I am never alone.

Here are some verses to reassure you that you too can always be accompanied by the God who loves you more than anything, all you've got to do is seek him out.

Hebrews 13:5
Don't love money; be satisfied with what you have. For God has said, "I will never fail you. I will never abandon you."

Psalm 16:5
Lord, you alone are my inheritance, my cup of blessing. You guard all that is mine.

Psalm 62:2
He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will never be shaken.

Psalm 91:2
This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I trust him.

God is Good, ALL the time.

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Had to Share :)

Love these two more than they'll ever know!

My Eva and my Emy <3

Life is good.

Ello blog world!

It has certainly been a while.

Life lately, has been uber busy! Between school, work, and coaching, I haven't had much time for anything...icluding blogging. With the end of the semester only weeks away, my stress level only grows. May 5th can't come soon enough, for on that day my 4 months of freedom will begin! And for that I am SO EXCITED!

It's crazy to believe I'm finishing up my third year of college, it feels like only yesterday I walked across the stage to receive my diploma. Where does time go?

I have to say I saw my life as being a lot different when I pictured it that night in the Ag center. I figured by now I'd be planning a wedding, preparing to student teach, and definitely not residing in Okeechobee. Obviously I wasn't even close to the reality I would be living, and that's perfectly ok. Had you told me that night that nothing I had planned was going to work out the way I thought, I would have wanted to punch you. Today, I would probably hug you. :) It's amazing how our mindset's change as we grow up. Though time has gone quickly, and part of me still feels 17, there's another part of me that feels so far removed from high school and who I was then. I see the world completely differently.

Bottom line, things never happen as we plan them. The last few weeks I've been in a weird mood, I couldn't decide whether I was happy or not about my current state of being. But it's hit me, it's not about being "happy" for happiness is a fleeting feeling. It's about the Joy that I have and can claim every day through my Jesus. Regardless of if I'm living out the life I thought I wanted, I'm redeemed by the God of the universe and that's all that matters. All the other stuff will come in his time, not mine, when and if he chooses to bless me with those certain things I think I'm entitled to. Because the thing is, I'm entitled to nothing. The fact that Jesus wants to have a relationship with me is more than enough to get me through this life.

I've come to the conclusion that no matter my state of being, God is still God. As hard as it is to see others around me doing what I think I should be doing now, from graduating to getting married, I know that God's timing is the right timing. And regardless of what is to come I've got a God to lean on and trust in.

:) Life is good.

Jesus Christ, my sanity.

Christ has died.
Christ is risen.
Christ will come again.

THAT is my focus. THAT is what I put my faith in.

Jesus Christ, my sanity. He's my safe place and my constant. I've spent most of my day emotional and overwhelmed by things of this world. School, work, coaching, things that will come and go. Things that I took on knowing they would be more than I could handle. But when I made the commitment I also was seeking Jesus, knowing that he would pull me through. He would be my sanity. But somehow in the last few weeks I lost sight of his face. I lost sight of the bigger picture. And I fell. Flat on my face. I'm really good at that, if you haven't already noticed. But I guess we all are. I struggle daily, wanting to please my creator but always feeling like I only fail. But then, even in the deepest most self pitying state, he picks me up. He reminds me that He is my sanity and my clarity. That all things other than him are fleeting. That my focus should be Kingdom oriented.

It blows my mind how much I want to know it all, but in all reality if my focus is on Christ, I will know what I need to know when I need to know it. There isn't any wondering or unknown because the unknown is already known by the one who planned it all. It's like when you're reading a book that's really good and you just want to get to the end to see what happens and how it all ends up. But you can't skip the middle or the end won't be as significant or as meaningful. For the longest time all I've wanted to do is skip to the end. I find myself rushing things that don't need to be rushed, and seeking things that aren't meant for right now. I don't want to skip the middle, I want to feel the value of the end.

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Jesus,

Thank you for picking me up in my filthiest state. Thank you for being consistent even when I falter. Thank you for the gift of confidence that I can claim in you. Thank you for allowing me to pick up where I left off with you, like no time has passed at all. Thank you for reminding me that even when I  am my furthest from you, you're still close. Father remind me to keep trekking through the middle so that I can value the end.

I love you.

Amen.