Slacking.

Yep. I've been slacking. I've still been in God's word, but when I think about blogging...I'm immediately filled with anxiety. Things like...what will I write, it has to be perfect, I need lots of scripture, if it doesn't sound deep people won't want to hear it, it has to flow, has to sound like it came from God's mouth....and then it hit me. I'M NOT GOD.

Yes, whatever I post on here will be something that the Holy Spirit has shown me in my studying..but it doesn't need to be perfect, super theological, or sound exactly right. It just has to be an honest proclamation of what my Jesus is speaking to my heart.

So honestly? Jesus has been telling me to step up.

That's probably a lot of the reason I haven't blogged....and like I said before, I've been in the word..but sporadically not daily. When God calls you out, it's scary. And no as Christians we have no reason to be afriad, and to say that we can't help it is bogus...but sometimes it happens.

God has called me to something big. I don't even know what it is, or where it is, or with who it will be with. All I know is that it's big. Now the 'bigness' behind the word big could vary. What seems big to me, may seem small to you. We're all built differently. The point is that whatever we see as "big" is just another thing in God's eyes. A thing that if he calls you to, he will equip you to follow through. I don't have to be able I just have to be willing. You don't have to be able you just have to be willing.

Truthfully I don't know that I'm willing...or at least I haven't been. Which is why I've been avoiding blogging... I've been avoiding God. As silly as that sounds, because duh, it's not possible.

In all reality, God has called us all to something Greater. Something beyond ourselves that seems impossible but something that God wants to use us in to change us and the people that we interact with.

It's time to step up.

It's time to stop being a coward and to be a sold-out lover of my Savior.

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Father,

I come to you now with a heavy heart. A sorry heart. A heart that wants more than anything for you to be the number one priority in my life. I know that you've called me to something far greater than myself, and I'm scared that I won't live up to the expectations you or other people have for me. God I cast out that spirit of fear in Jesus name, and ask that you would replace it with a spirit of confidence and diligence to seek you and your will out. God that you would make clear the path you've laid out for my life. Father I pray for anyone reading this who is dealing with the same bout of fear or insecurity. God I cast out those feelings and pray forward confidence and a boldness to step up. Father thank you for a love that knows no boundaries or conditions...thank you for having a plan, and going before me, after me, and all around me. I love you.

Amen.