Phew!

Stress has been consuming my life as of late. And quite frankly, I'm tired of it.

I'm done.

I'm done worrying.
I'm done trying to control.
I'm done being "strong".

I'm done.

I've spent far too much time being busy. School, work, volleyball, personal things, etc, TOO MUCH. It's all too much. And tonight, I finally felt it, all of it. The weight of the world was resting on my shoulders, and I was trying with all my might to hold it up, and I couldn't. Tonight I fell and came crashing to the realization that I am not my own. I am not strong enough. I am not capable enough, to handle it all on my own. This Jesus, that I've kept putting on the back burner, wants ALL of it. He created and conquered the world, so why am I trying to hold it myself? It's not like its even in my hands, really its more like I'm doing my darnedest to pull it away from God. HA! That's funny, me? Pull something from God? Pshhh, not. Really i was just wasting time trying to control, when what I needed to do was put it down, leave it in God's hand and pursue him without all the 'busy'.

So that's what I'm doing. Never in my life have I understood this concept the way I do right now.  
I can't do it...but HE can.
I can't handle it....but HE can.

So God, it's yours. All of it. School, work, volleyball, family things....all of it. I'm DONE. Starting today all I want is to seek you, completely. Without all the 'busy'. I want YOU, Jesus, to consume my thoughts, not the stress of everything else.

I'm sorry I've tried so hard to do it by myself.
Thank you Father for loving me enough to take all of my burdens, fears, and failures.
You are eternally awesome, and I love you.

I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD in the land in the living.
--Psalm 27:13

I will not lose heart.

My God has HUGE plans for me, I believe that I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living....Life is tough, but my Jesus is tougher.