Speak Life.

It's hard to take any type of criticism. It's hard to believe that anyone would disagree with you when you feel you've done your very best in that situation... The thing is, there will always be someone. Someone who feels you could have done better. Someone who feels you didn't do enough. And that's hard.

Growing up, I've always been a people pleaser. I wanted to do things the "right" way - so people would see that I was good, and that I would feel as if they appreciated me because I was good. As I've gotten older I've come to realize more that because everyone has an opinion, it's impossible to please them all. Someone is always going to disagree. Someone will always be there to criticize. Someone will get the wrong idea about you, based on an opinion they have or anger they've allowed to fester. It's disheartening, to know you've done all you could, but to someone else, it wasn't enough.

Bottom line, the most important being I answer to, is Jesus. - If I'm doing my best to seek his face, and to live out a life that brings glory to his name, showing his love unconditionally all the time, the opinions of other's don't matter. It's so cliche - we say it all the time. "Do what you want! People will think what they want!" There's a balance though, you don't want people to see you as someone who disregards every opinion, because God does speak through different people in our lives. I think it's important that we think about criticism when it comes, analyze where/who it came from, and decide whether it's something we need to address with ourselves or not.

It's important to think about where it came from, how was this person effected by me, positively? negatively? Is there an ulterior motive? Is what they said something to help better myself? Or were they tearing me down? - Just as God uses people to speak to us, Satan does too. He will use people to tear us down. - We've got to know the difference. We've got to be able to strike down any negative word from the enemy, as not to let it simmer and take root in our hearts. If that happens, we become the negative influence we don't want to be.. the same one that came down on us.

Something that has really stuck with me is our ability to speak life or death. It's amazing how a sentence that takes nothing but air and vocal chords to produce, can be more painful than a literal knife in the back. - I've made it my goal to speak life, be positive, and encourage with my words.

• 1 Peter 3:16 (NLT)

  But do this in a gentle and respectful way. Keep your conscience clear. Then if people speak against you, they will be ashamed when they see what a good life you live because you belong to Christ.

That verse pretty much says to "keep your head up" - Show love, and be kind. People will notice. 

Delight in the Unexpected

I've talked in circles about learning to let God lead. I've spent my life making plans, only for them to be rearranged or obliterated by the Big Guy upstairs.

I'm finding more and more that when I remember that he is all satisfying, the plans are already written, and that I don't have to know it all - life is fun. Life is exciting! Life is exactly what God wants it to be for us, a purposeful, exciting experience. Not one that we dread or fear. Recognizing that frees us up from the anxiety of it all!

He's a great God. One who placed desires and dreams in us that he has great plans to fulfill. Sometimes we get upset, frustrated, and impatient in the waiting.. But that's where we grow. That's when we learn to trust and stand on his promise that he has great plans for those who love him.

Up to this point, life hasn't really gone the way I thought it would.. And that used to bother me. Now I'm incredibly thankful for it. My inability to see the whole picture clouds my judgement. By trusting the God who wrote my plan, I can rest assured that he wrote a pretty freaking good one.

For the first time ever I can honestly say without any fear or anxiety, but only with excitement, that I have NO IDEA where this life will take me. Who the heck knows?! (HE does) and he's the only one that needs to. I'm happy to be pleasantly surprised.

God is good. ALL the time.

He's pretty freaking cool.

So if you're currently frustrated with your situation... Remember that life is exactly what you make it. Even in the darkest of times we can find Joy in knowing Jesus. Remember that he is growing you for a greater purpose, that much of what you're going through now is going to help you speak into others lives. You will make a difference. Your story matters. - Remember to delight in the unexpected. God is a God of surprises.. Live day by day and let him do that! Don't think too far into the future, tomorrow has worries of its own.

Transition

Trust in the Lord  and do good. Then you will live safely in the land and prosper. 

Take delight in the Lord , and he will give you your heart’s desires. 

Commit everything you do to the Lord. 

Trust him, and he will help you. 

He will make your innocence radiate like the dawn, and the justice of your cause will shine like the noonday sun. 

Be still in the presence of the Lord , and wait patiently for him to act. 

Don’t worry about evil people who prosper or fret about their wicked schemes.

Psalm 37:3-7

These Verses have been repeating in my head for a few weeks now.. "Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart's desires"... Delight. To delight is to give or to have great pleasure in or with something. I'll be honest, I haven't delighted in the Lord in a while. He's been more of the "wizard" I've been asking to give me or do certain things for me. It's easy to get caught up in the hustle of life in general, to make goals, seek them out, and then make more goals. The thing is, if those goals don't line up with where God wants you, they'll leave you feeling empty, unsatisfied, unfulfilled. 

I really do want God's best. I really do want to be everything he wants me to be. But I feel like there's this other list of things that I want to do, have, or accomplish. What he's been speaking to me lately is that many of the things on that list, he wrote himself. He created me, filled me with specific wants and desires. It only makes sense to seek him first, delight in him first, as many of those desires he has placed in the path before me. What gets me is the patience to wait for them.. I lack in that. My patience department isn't a strong one. 

"Commit everything you do to the Lord, Trust him and he will help you."

Easier said than done. When thinking about committing everything to the Lord, I realize how much I don't commit to him. My mind is constantly distracted by so many things, social media, school, working out, school.. and it repeats itself. 

For the last several weeks, I've been in a "funk".. Took a bit but I finally figured out what's been pulling me down.

At the age of 23, I've accomplished the biggest goal I've ever placed in front of me up to this point, getting a degree, and beginning a career. The thing is.. Now that I'm here, I'm unsure of what the next major goal is. God's teaching me to trust him DAILY.. a dear friend reminded me once that when we pray the Lord's Prayer we say "Give us this day our DAILY bread.." Not a weeks worth or a months worth or a years worth.. DAILY. Give us enough to get through THIS day.. God asks us to trust him, to let him bear our burden. It's sometimes crazy to think of our future as a burden, but when we stress about the details we can't control, or that are too far ahead, we make our future stressful. We tell God that we don't trust him enough to HAVE it, so we must worry.

It's kind of scary, SCRATCH THAT, REALLY scary to get to the point you needed to, to realize that there's another point you're headed towards.. You just can't see it yet. I literally have no idea what's next for me. I know that right now I'm teaching and I'm coaching. I'm investing in the lives of the teens put in front of me, while seeking Jesus to give me just what I need each day. And I'm learning, that that's enough.



Right now life for me is a transition. As weird as it sounds having a steady schedule and responsibilities to more people than my parents has been weird/fun/exciting/terrifying all at the same time. It's also scary to realize that the thing you're doing now, you won't be doing forever like you thought originally. I know there's something more I'm to be pursuing, my journey doesn't end here.. You might be thinking "DUH you're 23! You're journey is just beginning!" And as much as I know that in theory, I honestly figured I'd get in a classroom, and would have found my (forever) calling. What I'm finding is that it's my calling, for now.. I know now that the future holds a few new paths for me... What? I have no idea. So with this new strain of blog...be prepared for many posts about uncertainty, doubt, and a faith because I have a feeling that this transition is going to be full of all those things and more!
 

14 things for 2014

1. See Gavin Degraw in concert

2. Road trip to Wilmington, NC to visit some of the places One Tree Hill was filmed 

3. Build up my "teacher wardrobe"

4. Snowboard with Jaiden in NY

5. Run some type of organized race

6. Take my Varsity girls to the state tournament

7. Blade 20 miles consecutively 

8. Deadlift more than 200lbs

9. GO TO THE BEACH - Crazy I live in FL and didn't go ONE TIME this year.. it's a shame. 

10. Buy and learn to use a DSLR Camera! (Specifically the Canon Rebel Ti3) 

11. Drink around the world at Epcot 

12. Go to Sea World for FREE as an Educator (multiple times of course)

13. Run a mile without stopping (hence the race, should probably accomplish this before signing up for one)

14. Go to the midnight premier of Divergent at City Place to the theater with the seats that move like a roller coaster!

Bring on 2014!

Ahh, the obligatory new year post. 

Crazy to think that it was a year ago that I posted about the exciting stuff that was going to happen for me in 2013..being that I didn't follow through and blog quite as much as I would have liked to in 2013, I'm going to do a little recap...

2013 was HUGE. So many things happened but I'm going to highlight a few of my favorites...

I coached my first season at OHS.. and let me tell you, for a team that wasn't supposed to go anywhere this season..making it to a Regional Semifinal ain't half bad. I loved every bit of it, even the struggle, stress, and sometimes hard situations, just added to accomplishment felt when growth was made and shown. 

Pretty sure this was against South Fork the second time.. my absolute favorite game of the season. We were expected to lose, and the girls came out swinging. Beat those bulldogs to the ground. 

On top of coaching at OHS, I graduated from FAU and landed a job teaching at the high school right across the hall from dear old Dad :) teaching the exact same thing... Crazy  right?! The first picture listed is my classroom the day I got my keys... it felt so surreal that it was MY classroom. (Obviously said by the snapchat ;) The second picture was last night after Mom and I spent a few hours there. If you're a broke, recent college graduate who has to decorate a classroom with all the supplies you DON'T have and CAN'T afford...ask your Mom. They're pretty handy at stuff like that. Mine found old Maps in the classroom, ripped up an old Atlas,  and Wah-Lah! A decorated wall that looks flippin awesome! - And the third pic is one of my cap.. my first completed Pinterest project, but mine looked WAY better, of course. 

Also added some Dr. Seuss to the wall, half to bring that Elementary degree in somehow. 

2014 brings a whole bag of challenges and new chapters. I'm really starting my career. It's insane how fast college flies by, when in the process of earning that degree, the light at the end of the tunnel is about as noticeable as a star on a cloudy night. It's never there and then all of a sudden, BAM you're on stage shaking someones hand and receiving a degree that you've stressed, sweat, and cried over. 

I'm an elementary Major embarking on a career in 11th grade American History. Only 5 years ago I was sitting in one of the seats I'll be teaching to. NUTS. In 2014 I want to be a teacher that touches lives and inspires students to seriously shoot for the stars. As cliche as it sounds, I became a teacher because I wanted to help kids see their potential, to help them understand that no matter where they come from or how much money they do or don't have, they have an opportunity to be great, if only they work to achieve it. (The summers off were a bonus as well.) 

2013 also included a trip to Wisconsin for Thanksgiving. To say I had a good time would be the understatement of the year, the trip was as awesome as going to Disney for the first time when you're 5. It was FREEZING and I loved it! There was snow, tons of snow... and lots of Aunts and Uncles to spoil me, feed me, and convince me to move to WI. And honestly... if not for coaching and this job at the HS, I would consider it. (That's another thing I've realized this year, anything is possible! Even moving across the country! Not that I plan to anytime soon, but you never know.) Here are some pics from the trip..

There were 100+ people at the Peirick Thanksgiving - so it included a nice cake and some congratulations on graduation and lob landing :)

Taken right after arrival, waiting on Auntie Dee to pick me up. By the time she got there my nose was numb.
FREEZING. 

Random adventures with Uncle DJ and Jordan. 

YES I have an Aunt Kristi and Uncle Chris who are married to each other. I love them.

 

This little man was attached to me the entire time. Every morning I heard his little feet coming down the stairs to the basement to wake me up.. "Tale-Uh, can you wake up now??" He showered me with kisses and snuggles all week. 

This was just behind my Aunt's house, after the snow came we made use of it, sledding was so fun!

In 2014, I want to make it to Wisconsin at least twice. I figure having a solid income will allow me to travel a bit more. So I plan to... I'd also like to make it to NY to visit Jaiden. It's no fun when your cousin/best friend moves across the country. Not having her in FL SUCKS. 

2013 also came with a John Mayer Concert - that was FANTASTIC. I'd like to see him again in 2014, along with Gavin Degraw, and Katy Perry. ( I know, drastically different artists, but I think Katy would be so fun) - On top of that, I'm really wanting to take a road trip. Laughing with the two ladies in the picture below, is one of my favorite things. Friends since we were 4 and still close as ever.. I recognize that friendship like this is a rarity, and I'm so thankful for it. - Allison and Mel have been around forever, and so have Angela, Rebekah, and Sarah. I'm so thankful for them and that we're still close despite that our lives are constantly changing. Emy and Raychie are the "newest" friends in my circle, and I'm so glad to have them. They too will be around forever. Friendship is such a blessing. I'm counting on road trips, concerts, movies, and more fun in 2014 with all of these ladies. 

So this blog has become a recap of 2013/what I want for 2014 :)

I want to be a good teacher, coach, and friend. I want to spend much of my time laughing with my favorite people, and pursuing every dream I can. Most importantly, I want to spend more time seeking Jesus, and the plans he has for me. 2013 taught me what it really meant to love God's plan, and to do away with the worrying. There's no point to it! Seeking him and trusting that he really does have it all together makes for a less stressful existence. - I'll read more of his word and write down what he tells me through it. (While assuredly consuming a nice cup of Dunkin Donuts coffee.)

And YES I'm going to be a cliche when it comes to resolutions for the new year... but what I won't be is one that doesn't follow through. Quite simply, I want to get fit. I dabbled in Crossfit this year, and due to lack of time and funding wasn't able to commit like I wanted to. But Come January 7th (school starts, back from cruise, routine starts) the prodigal daughter is coming back to her Crossfit family!. I want to lift heavier, run further, and just do more than I could before. 

One last thing - this year I'm going to try and be more thankful. I am beyond blessed in EVERY area of my life, and sometimes it's easy to forget and whine about what I might not have yet. I'm going to do my best to keep those moments down to a minimum, because in all reality life is good, God is greater, and to wallow in the "I wants" is stupid. 

2013 was more than good to me, but I'm ready to kick some major butt in 2014! So many good things to come, and hopefully unlike last year, I'll document them a little better via this blog. 

Happy New Year! 

Holla at your girl, the graduate!

Who's got two thumbs and is now an Alum of FAU?!

THIS GIRL! HA!

December 12th, 2013 was a good day, scratch that, a GREAT flippin' day. A day marked with accomplishment. I not only crossed a stage but a finish line. Before that the only major finish line I had crossed was the one that brought High School to an end.. But, it's not the last stage I'll cross in my college career. I fully intend on pursuing a Masters in something.. I'm just not sure what for.

The plan now is to teach and keep seeking the big guy for the rest of the instructions. Scary to not have an exact map laid out of how this new chapter of my life is supposed to go.. but I've learned that that's quite alright :) 

In the last few months I've come to a realization... one that has absolutely altered my outlook on life. I go on and on about God's plan, how it's perfect, and that I'm so excited about it, trusting that God has the best ideas on how my chapters should play out. But the thing is, as humans we tend to have our preconceived ideas of how our lives should go, down to specific situations and life events. We write these details in our minds like authors telling a story. Especially women. We have thought about cooking Thanksgiving dinner for our families, down to conversations we'll have with our Mother in Law about how the sweet potatoes may need a tad more brown sugar. We've named our children and then decided which team-sports we'll sign them up for and how we won't yell embarrassingly from the sidelines like our own parents did.. (though we totally will). We've thought about the way our friends will react when we tell them we're pregnant.. or how our husbands will act when we tell them we want to go back to school (you know, for that Masters you weren't sure about a few years back). 

We think in moments..because of this, many times we think about how/what decisions will get us closer to those moments we fantasized about. - The thing is, if we worry about how or what we have to do to go about getting the desired "moment", we spend all our time over thinking and lose focus on what's important. And what is important, is keeping our focus on the big guy. The thing is, God has a plan, and what will be will be regardless of our manipulating. We don't have to worry about what decisions will get us to a certain point or place that we want to be. If we are actively pursuing a relationship with the God who wrote our plan, we'll make the right decisions because the Holy Spirit will make them apparent. It takes a huge weight off of our shoulders when we recognize that focusing on Jesus allows the plan to fall into place without all the worry or anxiety. 

When I read back through old posts, I can see and feel the struggle I had with accepting God's plan. 

I don't anymore, not at all.

Cheers to the next Chapter - and all the unplanned moments it will include.

Ohhhhhh and, Go Owls! ;)  

It's been a while..

The face I'm making in the picture above, is me thinking "Has it really been since June that I've posted?! That's insane, and a little sad." - I really wanted to be posting at least once a month.. crazy how quickly time passes. As I type this I'm only 28 days away from graduation.. let me repeat GRADUATION! This school thing will be OVER (for a while) and I'll actually be working in a Job that I've been training/studying for. Pretty sick.

This semester/internship has shown/reminded me of a few things...

1. I do not want to teach Elementary school...EVER.
2. God is faithful. 
3. I'M GETTING OLD(er) Almost 23?! HUH?! WHAT?! 23?!
4. Coaching was the best decision - even though many thought it would be "too much".
5. I am still the same procrastinator that I've always been, I've just gotten better at it. 
6. I have never felt more comfortable/in my element, than when I'm on the Volleyball court, and/or in the classroom. 
7. I am surrounded by a fabulous support group, who pray for me, encourage me, and love on me without any conditions or expectations.
8. Family isn't always biological - I've been blessed with more than I know what to do with! (Kammer, Alfie, Mama, Pops, GiGi, Coach, Lala, Yeyo, Tia, Heather, Scoot, I could go on and on...)
9. Success isn't about a career or a dollar, but about the lives you invest in. 

As school wraps up, the planning starts again. The type of planning where I'm laying out the next ten years of my life. Weird thing is... after Graduation, I now simply say - "Next ten years? They're going to be awesome. Doing whatever God calls me to." See, that's the plan. When I moved back home, God literally wiped my 10 year plan completely away. Past graduation I had NO CLUE what the heck I would be doing, where I would be doing it, and who I would be doing it with. NO FLIPPING IDEA. For a while that scared the junk out of me, but over the last 3 and half years I've realized that knowing the plan isn't the point. It's trusting the planner that's important. 

As much as I sometimes feel that "I'm doing it wrong".. God is faithful. Even through my faults and shortcomings, HE is faithful. I've come to realize that no matter the detour I may take, as long as I find him again, and line back up, the plan is still the plan. There's no Plan B with God. NONE. It's a concept I feel like I understand, but in all reality have a hard time wrapping my mind around. There isn't a Plan B. There isn't another option. He knew, and he knows, and that's insane. NO PLAN B. Accepting this has released a lot of the anxiety I once carried. Remembering that it doesn't add a day to my life, but takes away from the person God asks me to be. Success isn't found in a career. Success isn't found in "the almighty dollar". Success is measured by how we love people, the lives we invest in, and the way we show Christ's love. When seeking Jesus, the plan is to trust the planner. Communicating with him consistently and intently to make sure it's all lining up as it should. And picking back up when we see that we've gotten off course. 

There have been some AWESOME things that have happened this semester.. my first season coaching at the HS, and my girls make it to the Regional Semifinals. NUTS. "A young team that lost a lot of talent..." was only the THIRD team in Chobee's history to make it that far. - All glory to God. That wasn't me. It was all him. I was just the vessel.  - On top of that, I will undoubtedly have a job when I graduate on 12/12/13, at a school that I want to be at, working with students I'm excited to get to know. Which is more than I can say for a lot of my friends who went through this program with me, many of them are unsure if they'll have a job and are hoping to find one next Fall. My God is faithful. 

I feel like I hopped all over the place with this post, but I feel like that's all my brain has been doing recently anyway - Really, the bottom line is to remember that knowing the plan isn't the point, it's trusting the planner that's important. God is faithful. He is who he says he is, and he can/will do what he says he can/will do. 

One more time - God is faithful. :) Believe it. Claim it. Never forget it.

Psalms 130:5 - I am counting on the Lord, yes I am counting on him. 

I have put my hope in his word. 

Psalms 16:8 - I know the Lord is always with me. 

I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me. 

Psalm 18:30 - God's way is perfect. All the Lord's promises prove true. 

He is a shield to all who look to him for protection. 

Got it? Good.